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Parents & Families

It can be an uncertain time for parents when they discover that their child is attracted to the same sex. Many parents fear that their child will not have the same opportunities or chance of happiness as a heterosexual person. Many of the parents we talk to are concerned primarily that their child will face discrimination or they will not be able to settle down and have a family. Although we still have some way to go, we are making steady progress in Ireland with respect to legal recognition of same sex couples and families. 

It may help you know that there are many gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people around you on a daily basis who live healthy, productive lives. In fact, lots of gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender people go on to have successful committed relationships and families. If you would like to learn more about the progress of legal recognition for same sex couples and families in Ireland, please see Ireland's Marriage Equality and NOISE website. Please call us if you have any concerns, worries or fears about your child's sexuality or see below for a list of support and informational resources.

Coming out tips for parents

1. Don't Panic
Just because your child/ family member is attracted to the same sex, does not mean that they will not live a healthy, happy and productive life. Often the initial reaction of family and friends has a significant impact on how a person negotiates the process of coming to terms with their sexuality, so it is important to offer as much empathy and support as possible. 

2. Listen with an open mind
If somebody you love is opening up about their sexuality for the first time then most likely they have given it deep consideration. Give them space to express how they feel and listen to what they have to say. The best gift you can give them is an open mind and unconditional support. 

3. Think before you talk
Sometimes we say things things that we don't mean when we are caught off-guard or upset. Misjudged words can be the cause of much pain and anxiety for those coming to terms with their sexuality. Think before you say something that may be the cause of hurt or upset. If you think that you would be offended or hurt by something you are about to say, then the likelihood is that the person you are about to say it to will also be offended- so maybe rethink it!

4. Communicate 
Having an open discussion with your child about how they feel and the worries and fears that exist on both sides can greatly enhance your relationship and ease what can be a sometimes difficult process. By communicating how you feel, both parties can be aware of each others' sensitivities, needs and expectations. Please find below this section some purchasable books that may help to answer some questions that you have before talking to your child. 

5. Give Support
As we all know, having the support and love of your family members can make life a lot easier in a world that can be sometimes daunting and challenging. The empathy you give can greatly help to counteract any negativity your child may face as a result of their sexuality. Don't underestimate how much your support can create a basis of security and strength from which your child can successfully negotiate life's challenges. 

6. When the time is right, move on!
Although sexuality is an integral part of life, it is a very small component of who we are as human beings. Try not to dwell or get hung-up on the sexual preference of your loved one. Just like you, they have lots of things that combine to make them the individual they are and focusing heavily on their sexuality may be uncomfortable or induce feelings of alienation. 

Support 

BeLonGTo
BeLonGTo talk to parents regularly who have just been told by their son or daughter that they are Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual or Transgender (LGBT).
01 670 6223
info@belongto.org
http://www.belongto.org

LOOK (Loving Our Out Kids)
LOOK, provides support to families and friends of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered (LGBT) people. 
(087) 253 7699
http://www.lovingouroutkids.org/

LGBT  Parents Southeast
Is an LGBT PARENTS SUPPORT GROUP based in Waterford but working for SouthEast LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender)
086 720 0634
https://www.facebook.com/lgbtparents.waterford

TENI (Transgender Equality Network Ireland)
Transgender Equality Network Ireland (TENI) seeks to improve conditions and advance the rights and equality of trans* people and their families.
Phone: (01) 873 3575
info@teni.ie
www.teni.ie

Books

Straight Parents Gay Children: Keeping Families Together
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Straight-Parents-Gay-Children-Families

My Child is Gay: How parents react when they hear the news
http://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Child-Gay-parents-react

Is It a Choice? - 3rd Edition: Answers to the Most Frequently Asked Questions about Gay & Lesbian People
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Is-It-Choice-Frequently-Questions

Always My Child: A Parent's Guide to Understanding Your Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered or Questioning Son or Daughter
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Always-Child-Understanding-Transgendered-Questioning

Love Ellen: A mother/daughter journey 
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Love-Ellen-Betty-DeGeneres

When Gay People Get Married: What Happens When Societies Legalize Same-Sex Marriage
http://www.amazon.co.uk/When-Gay-People-Get-Married

OMG My Son is GAY - "Why is my Son Gay? - The Ultimate Guide for Parents of Gay Children
http://www.amazon.co.uk/OMG-My-Son-GAY-Ultimate-ebook

Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Gay or Lesbian Child 
http://www.amazon.com/Coming-Out-Home-Helping-Families

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